My dysfunctional and lovable family

                Thanksgiving, for most families, is usually the time to catch up with members of your extended family. But, because the majority of my family lives half-way- across the world, I did not meet my extended family this Thanksgiving. Instead, I met up with some of my friends who were also in the same situation. Although meeting my friends was splendid, I still wish that I could have met my family then. I realize by the way that I idealize meeting my family, it sounds like we are an enjoyable bunch. You may picture us as that family who never shouts or yells and resolves disputes by “talking it out”. You may picture us as that family which never has major relationship problems. You may picture us as that family who is very open and interacts with each other frequently. But I don’t want you to keep fantasizing this lie.

                In fact we can be a very dysfunctional bunch. Our household is filled with arguments, yelling, ignoring, forgiving, and then repeating the whole cycle.  And if my family is not experiencing this cycle, then one member of my family is probably putting on a charade.  I guess it may be better to live far away from each other.  Thus, it is probably better to focus on my immediate family’s interactions.

                 My Immediate family:

                My immediate family consists of my brother, Amma (mom), and Appa (dad).

My mother and I are inseparable. We truly are best friends. I tell her about everything that bothers me and in return she attempts to solve them for me. Although she is not always able to solve my problems, I really treasure the advice that she gives me.  We rarely argue. But when we do get into a disagreement, I try to resolve the issue as soon as possible. This weekend she gave me one of those looks. The look that makes you feel so guilty that you wish that you could hit the un-do button. I cannot bear these looks from my mother. Maybe this is because I am my mommy’s girl. Even though I adore her, I hate it when people call us sisters. On the other hand she takes this “compliment” gleefully, as her wide smile showcases all her teeth. I witnessed these moments a couple of times this weekend as friends talked about how similar we look.  So even though, I do not enjoy this “compliment”, I love the way my mommy’s face lights up when someone calls us sisters.

Next in line is my brother. Whenever I show my friends pictures of him they exclaim, “OMG! He is so cute!” But looks can be deceiving. Even though we have a ten year age difference, we still fight. I think he is spoilt. Whenever we go to the store, he attempts to get his way by screeching. So, in order to salvage the hearing of other customers my parents buy whatever my brother desires. They call it “rewarding him for being a good boy”. I call it being a marshmallow.  But recently, I think my brother has become a little bit more mature. He has limited his shrieks for only a few items. My brother and I have also become closer. Yes, we still yell at each other. Yes, we are not that kind to each other. But we do love each other. Occasionally our love for each other will show through gifts like this:

So maybe my brother can be cute at times. Those times are just very rare.  But I still love him.

Next comes my dad.

Although I love him dearly, I still don’t understand him the majority of the time. Even though we are embracing each other in this particular picture, we tend to get on each other’s nerves quite frequently. This weekend my family and I went to several homes and ate a lot of food. On our way to one house I defended my right to drive (a struggle in my family because I am surrounded by people who love driving). Initially, everything was fine. I accidently started taking the wrong turn, when I heard a scream that sounded like nails scratching a chalkboard from the backseat. I glanced at the rearview mirror and realized this was not my brother. Instead, I was shocked to find my father with fiery eyes. “If you can’t drive the way I tell you to drive, pull over right now and I will drive,” he exclaimed. Although this offer may have been appealing to the tired working mom of two kids, I took this as an insult. As a self-righteous person myself I retorted by telling him to calm down. Although this method was ineffective for his temper, I was able to notice the awkwardness in the car. My mom stared out the window, while my brother was so engrossed at the iPad, that neither seemed interested in the drama that was unfolding in the car. I guess these petty arguments are common in my family. Because as soon as we returned home, my dad and I gave each other a long hug and said, “Good Night”.

                I never understood my family dynamics as a young girl. I ALWAYS thought that each member of my family understands the others and rarely fought. But as I grew older, I started to realize that this family was a fantasy. Although members of my family do avoid others and get into arguments, they try to make it seem covert. Often they would succeed in this task. All in all, even though my family may not be the perfect, idealized bunch, we certainly do love each other and maintain strong connections.